How to Deal With Tenants Part 2

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In a calmer mindset I realized how shocking it probably was for her to come out to her yard and discover the fence had moved. It was not what she expected to happen. I also realized that I should have consulted her about what we were going to do even though I likely would have made the same decision.

When she was done I said in the calmest voice I could pull together, "I am so sorry. I made the decision to move the fence - not the carpenter. It turned out it was actually rather complicated to put a hinge on the fence when we thought that would be simple. It would have cost thousands and resulted in a big gate you'd have to lug open every time you wanted in and out of the garage. I thought this would be so much better and it was easy to do."

She had more to say but she was nicer about it now. And she started to apologize for being so angry. She said "I just don't know what I expected but it wasn't this. I just wish you would have asked me. Maybe I could have helped solve the problem."

After a few more minutes of discussion our tenant then said to me "You know, I am sure in five minutes I will be used to it. I just wasn't used to it. Thank you for fixing my fence so fast."

Carnegie also says:

"You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broadminded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong."

And that is just what happened.

So next time you find yourself faced with an angry person- tenant, spouse, relative or neighbour give these tips a try and maybe the result will be better than you could imagine. So far it's working for me!

No matter how hard it is - do not get involved in an argument. Even when you know the other person is wrong, avoid saying so. Instead, ask yourself "What is to be gained by proving them wrong?". Usually the answer is your own sense of pride - which really isn't that important. What is almost always more important is that relationship.
When you are wrong - even in the slightest way - admit it wholeheartedly and quickly. "Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes - and most fools do - but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one's mistakes" (Dale Carnegie).
Let the other person talk more than you do and listen. Really listen and try to see how you would feel in their shoes. Consider their view point, be sympathetic even, and you'll usually have a much easier time staying calm and listening to the other person when you do this and the other person will feel truly heard - which 9 times out of 10 solves the problem anyway.

I never offered to fix the fence or do anything further. I simply listened. And when I was done listening, I acknowledged my responsibility in the situation, apologized for what I had done, and let her know that I could see where she is coming from.

I wonder how many times in the past I could have used this and saved myself energy arguing, time fighting with the tenant and money spent fixing things that didn't have to be fixed only to make problems go away that could have been solved with some simple alterations to how I handled the initial conversation?

Published August 25th, 2010

First image credit: © Dennis Cox | Dreamstime.com

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